Absence and Excess

Well my loves, it is nearly September and I am no further along to my goal. In fact, I've put on a bit! Great.

I've been on a right free for all! Lots of chocolate, fat, junk, alcohol, you name it, I've stuffed it down my throat. Lovely wording there, sorry. There has been reason after reason- friends visiting, camping holiday, nights out etc that I have used to justify my greediness. Unfortunately I seem to have not learnt anything along this long journey. I am no wiser it seems. I still give myself the green light to completely binge, telling myself I'll sort it all out next week/ month etc. I now feel completely physically sick and I'm ready for some clean, plain food and lots of water.

So, with tomorrow being the first day after the Bank Holiday, and just a day away from a new month, it's time to restart, again (yeah, I know, I know!)

Let's see if I can be extra good for at least 4 weeks, to get into those 15 stones.

Stuck

I was actually a lot more restrained than I could have been over the weekend. Triumphs included not having cake when everyone else had some, having a sad little bowl of branflakes when eggs and bacon were on offer from mum, and not eating when I had some wine with my sister. A pat on the back for me. I did, however, eat like a "normal" person, and the scales were showing a 2 pound gain this morning! I'm hoping it'll settle down during the week and reflect my stellar behaviour. I must try to get some long walks in this week too.

I feel like I've been stuck in the 16's forever. Up to 16 stone 11 lb and back down to 16 stone, repeat ad nauseam. I really want to get into the next bracket. I'm fed up of seeing 16 stone something, roll on the 15's! Hopefully I can break it (and stay there for once) by the end of August, but I do have a camping trip with the family coming up. More self restraint will be called for.

Weekend struggles

I've had a dreadful weekend diet-wise. I've gone way over what I should be eating and I'm disappointed in myself. The problem is my sister! She is 8 stone 4lbs. She, seemingly, can eat whatever the fuck she wants and not put on weight. She came over on Saturday with the kids. First things first- put the kettle Plumptious (don't worry, she doesn't call me that, I'd thump her!!) and out comes a cake she had leftover from a party. "Why don't you just have a little slice, everything in moderation?" Yes, that's fine if you're you, skinny twig, but I CAN'T do moderation, that's why I'm obese, clearly. I had the bloody cake.

Next I got out the butter and french bread I'd bought, as I know they all love real butter and aren't so keen on margarine. Of course Plumptious can't NOT join in by this point and tells herself 'sod it'.

And so it carried on. Culminating in them leaving at 1pm yesterday (after lunch at disgusting god it was good McDonald's as it's the start of the children's summer hols!) but me not being able to stop myself from buying Doughnuts and Cookies later on- which is absolutely not skinny twig sister's fault! That's all my invention.

I have to try stop that kind of behaviour. It is so completely unhelpful. Once I feel that I've 'gone off the rails' I give myself the green light to stuff myself as much as possible. I know it's ridiculous but I don't know how to unlearn it.

All I can do is stop today and hope that my weigh-in on Friday doesn't reflect the gluttonous weekend. Maybe I can be extra good this week and try claw back some of those calories. I'm having a low fat sandwich for lunch and a no-carb chicken salad for dinner. Wish me luck. This losing weight thing isn't easy is it?!

Scale nonsense

I'm not happy! I have not lost a damn thing this week, despite being on track, despite walking 4 miles yesterday and Tuesday, despite feeling thinner. I know this is turning into Plumptious's menstrual blog (sorry) but I still have no period, so I'm thinking this is the reason why. I'm a big bloated hormonal cow!

It's really bloody hard to keep going when you can see no progress, but I must.

Non Scale Victory!

I'm generally a size 18 at the moment. Although a few makes are still a bit small on the bottom half and waist, and a few tops are too big.

In March I bought some jeans from Primark. As they were only £6 I didn't try them on. I got them home and they were far too small- didn't do up by a good 4 or 5 inches, and I could barely get them past my thighs. I chucked them to the back of the wardrobe and thought I'll slim into them. (which didn't happen for a good few months)

Can you guess what's coming?

I pulled them out the wardrobe this morning and thought I'd try them on to see how far I had to go...

I got them on, past the thighs and got them done up!!! Woohoo! They are too tight and I wouldn't wear them yet, but they technically fit! yay! Really needed that boost today too as the scales have shot back up even though I've been fine with the eating and walking. Still no sign of 'that time' so it must be something to do with that.

Very happy. Can't wait for a size 16 pair of jeans!

Sneaky Peak...

...reveals 15 stone 12lbs this morning- how exciting! Let's hope it stays that way until weigh-in on Friday!

Success

I negotiated Saturday in a healthy manner! In other words, the binge was stopped dead before it even began. No big-fat-pie-stuffing-my-face going on here!

I am so bloated and heavy due to PMT, it's a right pain. My emotions are all over the place too. I never used to be like this, but in the last couple of years I really notice it. It's making me ravenous, which is also not very helpful!

Not much planned for today. I wanted to go for a really long walk with PP, but as he cycled 56 miles last week (!) he'd quite like a rest. Maybe I'll use the PMT card and say I *need* to walk to lighten my mood! ;-)