Back In The Game?

Yes, you read it right, finally, after more or less a (gulp) 2 year hiatus, I think I may be ready for this again.

I'm prepared and determined for battle (sorry, that is really cheesy!)

I joined Weight Watchers online a week ago, and have since lost 4.5lbs. I feel my mental attitude has shifted- which we all know is what weight loss is actually all about, for most of us anyway.

So determined am I, in fact, that I have just created the scrumiest WW lasagne- all pointed, weighed out and ready to go. That's dedication, something I've always found rather hard to come by!

So, I'm still above 17 stone- 17st 1.5lbs this morning. My first WW goal is 16st 7.8lbs and I'm currently on 39 ProPoints per day.

Let's do this (sorry, again with the cheese!) :)

x

BMI: 35.3
CW: 17st 1.5lbs

So that's 2012 then

So here I am. 10 months later. Absence says it all on a weight loss blog, right?!

I'd love to tell you all how I've lost the weight, look wonderful and feel amazing. But I'd be lying.

I've no excuses to offer. I don't find it hard to lose weight. I'm not lacking the knowledge on how to do it. I don't have a slow metabolism or a thyroid problem. I'm not too busy. I'm not too socially active. I'm not too skint or depressed.

I really like food. I really like food. I love eating in, eating out, trying new things, revisiting old, eating for comfort, eating for pleasure, eating because I'm fed up, eating because I'm anxious, eating because I'm bored, eating because I'm celebrating, eating because I'm a 'foodie'.

I have a very lovely partner who loves me fat or thin, because he loves what's inside. I have some lovely friends and don't have any trouble making new ones. I get promotions based on my merit. I'm intelligent and creative. I am (seemingly) confident and 'bubbly'. I'm so much more than the number on the scales but...

My size 18/20 clothes are tight. I weigh nearly 17 stone. I recoil when I see a bad photo of myself (which is basically all of them). I prayed to god (or rather Michael O'Leary) that my seat belt would do up on a recent flight (it did, just). I feel lazy and lethargic and frumpy...

Yet still I find it hard to come to terms with the fact that I am overweight. It bothers me. I think about it at least twice a day, if not more. I have trouble accepting that I am fat because I am greedy and I have no self- control. I have trouble, in truth, accepting the fact that I am fat at all. I guess this is what denial is. I tell myself that I have no health problems, and that I carry it well, and that a BMI of around 34 is really perfectly acceptable because I'm only obese, right? It's not like I'm morbidly obese!, and that no one sees me as fat because I'm tall. I'll have just one more day of complete over-indulgence because tomorrow will somehow be miraculously different. Tomorrow I'll change my life forever and I'll eat macrobiotic, just like Gwyneth!

I need to go back to basics. My most successful weight loss attempts by a mile are when I've used the weight watchers-esque approach. I don't know anything about 'points' but I do know that when I allow myself a sensible amount of calories per day and earn extra through exercise, it works! When I don't beat myself up over the odd bar of chocolate I don't go completely off the rails- I just accept it, track it and move on. All or nothing does not work for me. I cannot sustain it and end up binging, sometimes for weeks on end.   I completely adopt the 'ah well I've blown it now' mentality and really go for it!

I wonder if I can retain this information for more than a day.

D'oh!

Hello my loves

Seems I have gotten off to a bit of a false start!

The last 2 weeks haven't been great. Not terrible, but, well, you know how it goes.

So, we just have to keep trying right? Never give up and all that!

Tomorrow I'll be walking to and from work; only a mile there and back but every little helps. I have the week's food planned out. It's really not the weekdays I have trouble with though is it!? It's my 'it's the weekend, let's treat ourselves' mentality I have trouble with. Dominos on Friday night, homemade meatball marinara baguette yesterday, followed by a chunky kit kat! (I know!)

I have 7 weeks until a family wedding, talk about leaving it late. Right then, let's knuckle down...

3.5 lb loss

Well, I hopped on the scales yesterday morning and was back in the 15s (just)- hooray! I think that's about a 3.5 lb loss and I've not been overly strict either, just using moderation- something I've been severely lacking for a few months.

I'm not drinking this weekend and would love to go for a good long walk if possible too.

Day two done!

I'd forgotten how very hard this is!

Once you're in the swing of things... a few weeks in... it comes relatively naturally and becomes somewhat easier. But these first few days are buggers! I'm peckish and feel really blue (just the standard January blues) and I would really just love to eat a nice bar of chocolate with a cup of tea! Hmmm, satsuma anyone?!!

The thought of going to a wedding in March is spurring me on this evening. I'm amusing myself by looking at dresses.

I've seen the dress below, which I think is just so pretty! It's a little 50's in style and I think would be perfect for a spring wedding, maybe with a little blazer. It'd be rather nice to buy a size 16- let's try remember that when I'm hankering after a bar of Galaxy!

Weigh In

I'm a few pounds less than I had feared. Still a wee bit distressing! I was a stone lighter in August! Ah well, it could have been far worse considering the serious effort to eating crap I've been making!!

The Comedown

As I sit here ploughing my way through the rest of the chocolates I can feel the comedown already. Not just the comedown of Christmas and all it's fun and festivities, but the comedown of a 3 month long binge. An out of control free for all where I decided that losing weight didn't matter any more and I was happy just eating whatever took my fancy. The more chocolate, salt, fat, takeaways the better.

I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow. It's not going to be nice. I'd estimate 16.7, maybe higher. Yes folks, that's at least 1 stone 4 lbs since October. The shame of it.

There's a family wedding mid-March, I'm not going to drink until then. I'd like to try shift 2 stone by then so I can at least not feel totally hideous on the day.

More to follow.