In control

I'm feeling a lot more in control than I was a few weeks ago. I haven't been perfect, but I've been mindful of what I'm eating and have lost a few pounds.

For instance, I'm at my parents this week and I've just been offered boiled eggs and toast. I've declined as I've already had branflakes and I know what will happen if I accept. Real butter will be plonked in front of me, along with thick white bread and I'll be unable to exercise any restraint! An orgy of toast will follow and I'll feel sufficiently guilty to mess up the rest of my weekend by stuffing my pie-hole! So, I'm being sensible and avoiding the kitchen for the next hour. I feel very pleased with this very small victory!

Trying to get a grip!

16 stone 8lbs this morning. I'm planning on having a quiet, active and controlled weekend!

I was lying awake thinking about my chubbiness last night. I'm sick to death of going up and down the 16 stone bracket (I know i've said this before, sorry for sounding like a broken record!) I was also thinking about how much diffence there is in my face between the top and bottom of the 16 stones. I always thought the bigger you are, the less noticable any weight gain or loss is but I can definitely see and feel the difference. My face looks noticably fuller with a bigger double chin at the top end, and at 16 stone exactly it almost disappears. I need to use this as some motivation, as it's easy to think I'm getting nowhere and throw in the towel when I don't lose, like, 5 lbs in a week!

I'm dogsitting my parent's dog this weekend, so will be having some nice long walks with her. I'd like to report a pound or two off by next Wednesday.

Ouch..

Guys I have pleurisy! I am in so much pain.

In other news, i've eaten one slice of toast and some ice cream in 4 days! If the pleurisy diet doesn't get the weight off I don't know what will!

Absence and Excess

Well my loves, it is nearly September and I am no further along to my goal. In fact, I've put on a bit! Great.

I've been on a right free for all! Lots of chocolate, fat, junk, alcohol, you name it, I've stuffed it down my throat. Lovely wording there, sorry. There has been reason after reason- friends visiting, camping holiday, nights out etc that I have used to justify my greediness. Unfortunately I seem to have not learnt anything along this long journey. I am no wiser it seems. I still give myself the green light to completely binge, telling myself I'll sort it all out next week/ month etc. I now feel completely physically sick and I'm ready for some clean, plain food and lots of water.

So, with tomorrow being the first day after the Bank Holiday, and just a day away from a new month, it's time to restart, again (yeah, I know, I know!)

Let's see if I can be extra good for at least 4 weeks, to get into those 15 stones.

Stuck

I was actually a lot more restrained than I could have been over the weekend. Triumphs included not having cake when everyone else had some, having a sad little bowl of branflakes when eggs and bacon were on offer from mum, and not eating when I had some wine with my sister. A pat on the back for me. I did, however, eat like a "normal" person, and the scales were showing a 2 pound gain this morning! I'm hoping it'll settle down during the week and reflect my stellar behaviour. I must try to get some long walks in this week too.

I feel like I've been stuck in the 16's forever. Up to 16 stone 11 lb and back down to 16 stone, repeat ad nauseam. I really want to get into the next bracket. I'm fed up of seeing 16 stone something, roll on the 15's! Hopefully I can break it (and stay there for once) by the end of August, but I do have a camping trip with the family coming up. More self restraint will be called for.

Weekend struggles

I've had a dreadful weekend diet-wise. I've gone way over what I should be eating and I'm disappointed in myself. The problem is my sister! She is 8 stone 4lbs. She, seemingly, can eat whatever the fuck she wants and not put on weight. She came over on Saturday with the kids. First things first- put the kettle Plumptious (don't worry, she doesn't call me that, I'd thump her!!) and out comes a cake she had leftover from a party. "Why don't you just have a little slice, everything in moderation?" Yes, that's fine if you're you, skinny twig, but I CAN'T do moderation, that's why I'm obese, clearly. I had the bloody cake.

Next I got out the butter and french bread I'd bought, as I know they all love real butter and aren't so keen on margarine. Of course Plumptious can't NOT join in by this point and tells herself 'sod it'.

And so it carried on. Culminating in them leaving at 1pm yesterday (after lunch at disgusting god it was good McDonald's as it's the start of the children's summer hols!) but me not being able to stop myself from buying Doughnuts and Cookies later on- which is absolutely not skinny twig sister's fault! That's all my invention.

I have to try stop that kind of behaviour. It is so completely unhelpful. Once I feel that I've 'gone off the rails' I give myself the green light to stuff myself as much as possible. I know it's ridiculous but I don't know how to unlearn it.

All I can do is stop today and hope that my weigh-in on Friday doesn't reflect the gluttonous weekend. Maybe I can be extra good this week and try claw back some of those calories. I'm having a low fat sandwich for lunch and a no-carb chicken salad for dinner. Wish me luck. This losing weight thing isn't easy is it?!

Scale nonsense

I'm not happy! I have not lost a damn thing this week, despite being on track, despite walking 4 miles yesterday and Tuesday, despite feeling thinner. I know this is turning into Plumptious's menstrual blog (sorry) but I still have no period, so I'm thinking this is the reason why. I'm a big bloated hormonal cow!

It's really bloody hard to keep going when you can see no progress, but I must.